[I should say that I apologise for this blog being so ridiculously inactive, but I have been having personal computer problems for quite a while, and it’s finally going utterly kaput on me! Hopefully I will have a new laptop relatively soon, but until then (and, honestly, probably after with the way my life is going right now), I will not really be open to new RPs with people. My Kyo muse is highly fickle, and I’d like to only start things with people that can be well established and involved. I apologise again for this limitation to those who have requested I RP with them, but I’d like to keep it to para-RPs, and as of right now, I’m barely handling the one I have currently.
So, yes. Update, of sorts. I will probably do another once I get a new non-dying computer.]
Tohru’s attention shifted down to their hands momentarily. How Kyo had adjusted his to make room for her needy cling. It was okay though, she thought, for once…this was okay. To be needy. To need something, like holding on to his hand a little tighter. People were needy all the time, she thought, it was just she who was accommodating of the needs, rather than displaying her own.She thought she should feel guilty, but she didn’t. She needed this, and to have it was such a comfort, she felt pounds lighter for it. Like she could fly if he weren’t there tethering her down. And it was, in a small way, how he behaved in general around her, adjusting to fit how she behaved, to accommodate what she needed. It was great, and she never stopped appreciating it, even when they were apart, apparently. As evidenced by the fact that he still hung on to something of hers, not out of forgetfulness, but because it reminded her of him, and comforted him.
“Don’t apologize…It wasn’t your fault, actually. I remember…I never stopped thinking about it for a while, about all the things that I could have done differently, could have changed so that things wouldn’t have wound up the way they did.” She consoled him. He knew it wasn’t his fault just as well as she did. ” I shouldn’t have made assumptions, and I shouldn’t have run like I did. It was very cowardly of me, very weak…but I guess I always am weak, huh.” She grinned, her expression a little vacant and distant, as if she were lost in her memories.
In truth, she had never actually heard him turn her away, or say much of anything. In fact, he never even gave her a direct, clear answer to when she asked him if she loved her, and told him that she loved him. Tohru remembered he looked stunned, and she—regretting everything immediately and taking his stunned silence as an outright no— ran. As far away as she could and as fast as her feet would take her.
“You never drove me away, Kyo. I drove myself.” She murmured, still far away from the present. She thought again of the night she left, and realized that before where it invoked so much sadness and pain, now there was only a desire to tamp it out, to file it away and forget that it ever happened. But that wouldn’t be wise, things happen for a reason, to teach and to strengthen. Tohru wouldn’t want to forget about what happened, but she wouldn’t want to dwell on it from this moment on. There was no sense. Things were on the way to being better. She came back then, with a slow inhale, and turned her eyes back to the path ahead of them, then up to Kyo quickly. He looked far away too. Maybe he was where she had been a minute ago. What did it look like, she wondered, from his side? She could hardly begin to imagine what these years gone by had been like for him. And though he could explain what it was like, and fill in the blanks all he wanted, she would never truly be able to grasp, and could only assume that it had been just as hard for him.
They were coming to the end of the forest path now, she could see ahead the street where a few cars would idle by every so often. They were almost clear off of the Sohma property, surprising her once again with just how much land Shigure’s house sat on. Soon, they would be out of the privacy and calm quiet of the woods, and it seemed like the moment to say the things she wanted to would pass the moment they left the trees behind. She called his name, quietly, and when he looked down at her with amber eyes that she was always so taken by, she smiled brightly, hoping to illuminate any darkness that was still clouding his mind.
“Let’s make a promise, okay? To stop dwelling on the past, because it’s over now, and to move forward, hm?” She suggested. “I don’t want to start fresh, because everything that happened has paved the road to where we are now, but let’s just move past it. There’s no reason to make ourselves sad over it anymore, is there? C-cause…we’re together now. Right?” She asked, Hoping that he would agree with her this time, and that they could lay the past to rest and look ahead to better and brighter things. She wanted to promise more, to stay together and to be together for ever, but she thought maybe that was asking too much, too soon. Later, she thought. Now, she would just focus on what she did best, making sure everyone was happy.
Kyo opened his mouth to protest her words of self-doubt and blame, to reassure her that he was just as much to blame—if not more, had he not been such a coward, such a fool, such an idiot for so much of his life—but stopped himself. He could say those things all he wanted, Tohru would continue to think it was her fault regardless of what he said or how many times he repeated it. He knew she would because he knew her, and he also knew himself. In the end, if he just kept repeating himself to her, he’d get frustrated because she would still blame herself, and it would end badly for both of them.
While she didn’t feel as if she were going to pull away or out of his hand, he gave her fingers a squeeze, though whether to wordlessly implore that he didn’t hold anything against her, or to reassure her he was here now and was not going anywhere, he wasn’t sure of, himself. He let her talk without interrupting her, savouring each word she said as much as he could—not because of any sort of beauty, but because Tohru so rarely let herself express feelings like this. He knew she took far too much responsibility on her slender shoulders—she always had, and probably always will. He hated himself for being part of that burden, but was also humbled by the fact that she had willingly taken it up for him without a second thought. Without forethought, really, because that was just.. Tohru. And that’s who he loved, because she was Tohru, and she couldn’t be anyone else—he wouldn’t want her to be.
The edge of his family’s property came marked with the edge of the forest, and the noises of the cars seemed to break a spell that had come over them in the quiet of the trees. He couldn’t take his eyes from the offending vehicles, breaking this long moment he had with Tohru after so many years, and he knew he was probably glaring at them. When she softly called his name, however, he tore his gaze from the cars up ahead of them and down to her, not knowing just how much his expression softened toward her. He felt warmth bloom through his chest and reach up to his mouth as he echoed her smile back to her—I am but the helpless moon to her sun, always reflecting the light that she shines on me.
"I—" He stopped, though he didn’t know why. "Yes," he agreed. "There’s no reason to start over. People make mistakes. People… hurt each other, when they don’t mean to. We—I—do stupid things sometimes. But we’re still here and alive and breathing, and that’s what’s important now. We’re here together." He inwardly winced. Perhaps not quite the best choice of words, but he had never been good at that. He didn’t want to say what else was on his mind, but he knew that he had to. For both their sakes.
"I… I want to make sure of something, though." Kyo didn’t want it coming out sounding ominous, and he did his best to try and make it as little that as possible, but he was afraid he failed at doing so. He stopped their slowing pace to a halt before they drew too near the edge of the forest and the edge of their moment. "There are two things I think are important we address. One is no, I don’t want to dwell on the past or its sadness and hurts… but we can’t just ignore it, either. I want us to heal, and I learned the hard way that the best way to do that is to face it and make amends with it, not just pretend it’s okay when it’s not."
He took a breath, gathering himself inside. “And also… We need to be really open with one another. I mean, we kinda already are, but it’s needs to be more. If there’s something bothering you—even if it’s something that was years ago, or five minutes ago, or hasn’t happened yet—you need to tell me about it. Don’t worry about bothering me,” he said, shaking his head a bit, anticipating her protest to that request, ” ‘cause you wouldn’t be. You don’t bother me at all, understand? The only way we’ll get through this together is to work as a team, and you gotta talk to your team to make things right.” He released her hand and slid his hands up her arms lightly, coming to rest near the top of her shoulders. “Okay? Does that sound okay to you?” Because I desperately want this to work, Tohru, you don’t know, and I know I will have to do work in telling you things, and not bottling up, and not exploding… but I will do it all and more for you. “And I’ll try my damnest, too, I promise you,” he added.
It felt like a silence fell over them, and Kyo couldn’t hear or see anything but Tohru, before him, in that moment. Only when another car made its way down the small street just outside the Sohma property did it break his tunnel vision and bring him back to the world beyond her.
"A rat for a pet!" Kyo snorted. "Now I’ve heard of everything. I always knew that bastard wanted to be kept by someone rather than do things on his own."
He waved off the questioner with a scoffing sort of laugh, though whether at the question or what he thought of his cousin was yet to be determined.
[And for the real answer—honestly, I’ve seen cats and what would normally be their natural prey get along just fine. You need to ask some professionals (maybe from the pet store, but they’d have to be reputable) or possibly a vet if they have any tips on integration. I know from experience when introducing a new cat to a dog or to another cat, you have to have a barrier between them so they don’t attack one another—even if they are not natural “enemies”, that is to say, predator and prey, animals are territorial and will attack another animal if they feel threatened—until you are sure they are accustomed with the scent of each other. Then they need careful and controlled “visits” face to face, until you are comfortable they will not go at it if you let them to their own devices. And, honestly, it depends on the personality and age of the cat. Both of mine are pretty easy-going, and took to one another very quickly. They were also both fairly young when I introduced them. Some cats are very territorial even when they aren’t older, and some cats couldn’t care less who they have in their “family”. Even if your cat isn’t old and crotchety and if you think he’ll be okay with another pet addition, just go slowly until you’re sure of them both.]
Tohru’s eyes grew wide, shocked at what he had just told her. How was it that he had never gotten rid of that towel? She was always leaving things where they didn’t belong, or forgetting them when she went somewhere. When she ran away, Uo and Hana had been the ones to forget it this time. The towel rack was behind the door though, so it would have been an easy thing to look over. For a while, she had thought it was funny that it was that poor towel that was always getting left behind- but even she began to forget its existence until Kyo brought it up. she remembered it perfectly now- it used to be her favorite. White with little strawberries sewn all across it. And it was still in the bathroom…talk about sentimentality.
“You still have my towel?” She grinned, unable to suppress a light giggle from escaping her lips. “Wow, Kyo, I never pegged you for someone so sentimental!” She joked, but then wondered if it was maybe not something to joke about.
“U-unless you just forgot about it too! I don’t know, leave something in one place long enough, and it becomes part of the scenery, right?” She added hastily. Why was she so nervous about what to say? It was Kyo, after all! And they had already established that they were far from angry at each other. So why shouldnt she crack lame jokes like she used to?
Changing the subject, she cleared her throat and smiled up at him. “Its great that you’ve been working at the dojo’s, and learning everything you can, you know? I think you would be a wonderful teacher…and maybe you can take everything you’ve learned and make your own style out of it? People do that, right?” She asked, not one hundred percent sure on that statement. She was certain that some martial arts masters had made their own styles, but she wasn’t sure if you needed special training for that, or if anyone still did it anymore, or if there was some kind of rule against it or something.
“And then one day, you’ll have your own dojo and there will be swarms of people learning a style that you created!” She pressed, ever the optimist. She knew how much martial arts meant to Kyo, and knew that he would work his hardest to achieve whatever his goal was in that area. Whether it was teaching or otherwise. She was just glad that now- she would be able to see where his actions lead him. She always imagined he would grow up to be some big martial arts name, though. That was just how she saw him when she wasn’t around. But she never considered he would get that way to stave off loneliness.
“I’m sorry I left you all alone.” She told him after a pregnant pause. While it was wonderful that he was perfecting his craft and honing his skills, the idea that he had been working himself ragged to forget about being all by himself made her sick to her stomach. It just made her want to stay closer to him, to hold his hand tighter, so she did.
As she teased him, a giggle brighter than bells tumbled from her lips, and Kyo immediately flushed—partly at her words and partly at the sound of her laugh. It seemed so long since he had heard it that when she finally did it, it sent a shiver up his spine. How tenuous the holds on our own hearts, Kyo mused to himself, if one other person has such control over them with so little effort. He cleared his throat.
"Well—" he began hotly, almost slipping back into his old self of excuses and hiding and posturing. He stopped short, however, realising, perhaps for the first time fully, that he didn’t have to do that any longer. "Well," he started again, "I guess I am. I didn’t forget about it," he told her, shaking his head a bit, glad to feel the flush cool from his skin. "I couldn’t throw it away. I couldn’t just… store it away, either. It’s still in that old bathroom of yours." A small chuckle escaped him as he remembered. "That little towel did a lot to remind me about all the good days when I didn’t have any left of my own."
A moment passed before he realised what he had said, and that she’d more than likely start blaming herself. Quickly glancing down at her, he added, “That is to say, everyone has bad days, you know, for whatever reason or another. Especially right after everyone left. I thought I’d like the peace and quiet finally, and sometimes I did, but sometimes I didn’t, and those days were the hardest. But your—that strawberry towel kept me going.” Reminded me of the sweeter things in life, just as you always did.
He was glad when she moved to a different subject—for all their swift, initial reconciliations, things were still strained between them, and martial arts seemed a much safer ground to tread. Kyo considered her question about creating his own martial art style.
"Well, technically, everyone who practices or teaches a martial art of any sort has their own style,” he said, the level of thought and contained enthusiasm in his voice speaking of how often he must have considered this very thing himself. “Sort of like handwriting—everyone writes the same language, but they all write it a little differently, and no two are completely alike. What you really mean would be if I can create a new system. That’s a whole lot trickier, and there are many schools of thought on it, most of them being either completely for or completely against it. Especially older practitioners and purists who only want to practice forms that have been around for centuries.” He opened his mouth to say more, but stole a look back to her and shut his mouth again, worried he would begin to bore her. “Ah, that is to say, yes, I do want to combine a number of different techniques—but what really interested me were jujustu and kendo. Shishou never really got into jujustu, though he didn’t discourage it, and he never had us work with weapons before, and so after I got the chance to, I really liked it.” He smiled, a bit sheepish, a bit lost in thought. “I guess you could say I still haven’t settled on what I’d teach in my own dojo just yet… So I doubt there’d be swarms of people.
He came back to the present, however, at her words and the tightening of her fingers around his. Kyo returned the action, shifting his hand slightly so his long fingers could encompass more of her hand. “I’m sorry I drove you away,” he replied, voice soft.
[I’m a terrible RPer right now—this I realise. My Kyo muse is MIA, so…. I hate to say this, but don’t expect much from me until he returns. Other writing demands my attention right now, but I do stop in from time to time (this as evidence) and try to keep up with everything (but I’m old and it’s difficult at times). Just wanted to let everyone know.
On another note, I am now an independent Kyo RP blog—the group I was in wasn’t very large (from when I last looked, anyway), and I’m fairly inactive myself anyway, so it’s probably for the best. This doesn’t mean you can’t still RP with me (when I get the muse-gumption to reply, ugh). Just wanted to put that out there for those in the group who follow me.]
The Sohma’s face and neck flushed red. “W-What’re you talking about?! The hell you call me a kitty for, eh?”
"Training is training—I always learn something new. Kazuma is… Well, he’s fine," Kyo replied, somewhat startled. "Why would you ask it like that?"
Kyo shrugged. “Unlikley. That’s mostly a kid thing, you know.”